"Snail's Pace Productions Pleasant Facade Estates The Bizzy Buddies

The Night Before Christmas humorous illustrated story featuring The Bizzy Buddies writer illustrator Vuja Day

SCENE 1
INT. HOUSE - AFTERNOON

The calendar on the back wall shows "May". Barley is in his room. His dad is bellowing from off-stage.

TOMMY: (off camera)
(bellowing)
I sure hope you're
looking for a job!


BARLEY:
Actually, I have
something lined up
at the crystal shop.


Tommy storms into the room, bug-eyed with rage!

TOMMY: (off camera)
CRYSTAL SHOP?!
What kind of life
skills will that bring?!


BARLEY: (off camera)
I dunno... I just
thought I'd enjoy it.


TOMMY: (off camera)
"Enjoy it??! You're
not supposed to enjoy.
your job!


Tommy storms into the room, bug-eyed with rage!

Barley's shirt slogan "It's OK to be OK"

TOMMY: All I can say is... "Get a job!!"



TOMMY: You can't just go around spouting off your own views!
INTERIOR: HOUSE\par \par Barley has just arrived home after school. LEAZA walks up.\par \par LEAZA:\par Your dad is looking for you,\par ( gleefully)\par and boy is he mad!\par \par TOMMY:\par (off stage)\par BARLEY!!!!!\par \par TIMMY:\par Dad\rquote s in the garage.\par \par INTERIOR GARAGE\par \par Tommy is standing near the trashcan. Tammy is nearby, freaking out.\par \par TOMMY:\par Barley, why didn\rquote t you take the trash cans out to the curb?!\par \par BARLEY:\par It would upset my experiment. \par \par There are maggots all over the trash can\par \par BARLEY:\par Maggotts? The maggots hatched! Timmy, the maggots hatched!\par \par TOMMY:\par You have him involved in this?! What about Littler?\par \par BARLEY:\par I was teaching them the life cycle of the fly.\par \par TOMMY:\par You\rquote re not teaching them THAT stuff! about reproduction. Flies spread disease!\par \par What kind of dead body do you have out there?!\par \par Just some rotting tomatoes and lettuce... \par \par LITTLER:\par ...and dog poop!\par \par WHAT?!?!?!?\par \par LITTLER:\par And Uncle Troy let us have as much horse poop as we wanted from his stalls!\par \par TIMMY:\par Yeah, he even brought MORE poop over with his bulldozer!\par \par TOMMY:\par (eyes bugging)\par WHAAATTTT?!\par \par Then Tommy spies a melted candybar on the ground, with swarms of ants covering it.\par \par TOMMY:\par What's THIS?!?!!?\par \par BARLEY:\par (gulping)\par My other experiment.\par \par TOMMY:\par "Other experiment"?! \strike You mean \strike0 there's OTHERS?!\par \par BARLEY:\par Well, yeah, a coupla. I was trying to teach Timmy and Littler about insects and stuff.\par \par TOMMY:\par Get rid of these maggotts!\par \par BARLEY:\par Get RID of?\par \par TOMMY:\par Kill them all! Hey, that would make a good slogan. Kill them all. I need to update my website and business cards.\par \par BARLEY:\par Kill? As in DEAD?\par \par Suddlenly Littler starts crying, and then Timmy and Barley. They are all wailing. A though balloon appears\par "I must be missing something here.\par \par TOMMY:\par They're too young to know about reproduction/that stuff!! You're not their parent... you're only their half-brother!\par \par Barley is taken aback by this comment, and then his dad realizes suddenly how insensitive it sounded.\par \par TOMMY:\par (stammering)\par Tommy, that came out wrong, what I mean isn't that you're "only" their half brother, what I mean is that you're not the parent, you shouldn't be teaching them about things they can't handle, like reproduction. You mistook what I said, of course you're their brother, it doesn't matter what percent is blood.\par \par Barley walks sadly away. \par \par \par Barley misses his mom who died when he was 3 years old. She used to collect bugs with him. Butterflies appear whenever he thinks about his mom.\par \par Barley in bed, tear drops from his eye "I miss my REAL mom".\par \par \par

Teenager Barley and his dad are complete opposites. Barley's dad Franks is a "morning person". Barley is a "night person". Frank is "Type A". Barley is "Type B". Frank is high-strung. Barley is low-key.

Barley's dad Frank is a bug exterminator who refuses to allow any insects on his property. Barley is a pacifist vegetarian who wouldn't hurt a fly.

Frank makes Barley come work at Bug-Ex... Barley accidentally drops something on Frank's foot, Barley is so worried, (and trying to be helpful) he calls 911 and the ambulance company. causing him to be taken to the hospital. All over a sprained foot. 5 fire trucks 2 police cars, (because of conflicts between city and country) a TON of emergency personnel showed up. Even a MEDI-VAC! Then Frank finds out what a medi-vac copter costs, he falls off the gurny and ends up breaking his leg!

Barley in drivers ed class: Teacher: "... so remember class, driving is serious business. You are responsible for 5,000 pounds of steel and what that steel could do under your care/negligence. If a deer runs in front of you on the road, don't swerve. Run it over".

girls in the class gasp "Ughhhhh!!!"

Teacher: (unfazed) "I'm dead serious here folks, if it's a deer, if it's a squirrel, if it's the neighbor's dog... if they run in front of you, run 'em over. Don't swerve and kill yourself smashed up into a tree."

Barley was rattled by that class. Then his dad needs to go to the store (with a cast on his leg) Barley has his learner's permit. He is still rattled by the drivers ed class, and his dad's nagging, when he suddenly sees a snail crossing the road. Barley JAMS on his brakes, the car spins and flips over and slams into a tree, which saved their lives (the Grandpa Tree)

Barley accidentally crashes the family car when he swerves to avoid a SNAIL in the road.

Barley realizes that the old apple tree saved his life. He goes over to the side of the road, climbs over the fence and hugs the tree. The Grandpa's face materializes there.

Tommy stands proudly, wearing his hazardous waste uniform.\par Barley slumps dejectedly, wearing his hazardous waste uniform.\par \par TOMMY:\par They say women like a man in uniform.\par \par BARLEY:\par It depends on the uniform, dad.\par \par TOMMY:\par I hate bugs.... every kind, even the so-called, \strike beneficial/\strike0 good ones. \par \par TOMMY:\par I am angry because that bug is alive and your mother had to die.\par \par And I'm angry because that ratbastard Troy is suing me for the sewage problem on HIS property!\par \par They are having sewage/plumbing problems themselves, toilets are backing up, bathtub won't drain. Is it caused by Tammy's constant remodelings, or the frankenstein tree's roots, or is it relatiation from Troy about the sewer issue?\par \par \par TOMMY:\par And I'm angry that your stepmother planted that damn tree that's now choking my plumbing!\par \par BARLEY:\par Hey, don't blame me.... Don't say "MY stepmother." She's YOUR wife.\par \par TOMMY: \par

------------------------------------------- A fly in the kitchen. Barley is helping them escape through the window. Littler has the flyswatter. Tommy comes in and takes the flyswatter TOMMY: This is how you do it... He then proceeds to hit (and infect) every square inch of the kitchen. The fly escapes. TOMMY: Flies spread disease.

------------------------------------------- The Health Dept contacts Tommy when he's out of town at a pesticide convention, informing him there has been a health complaint about the smell of his trashcans.

Tommy calls the house. Tammy hands the phone to Barley. Tommy is screaming over the phone. Tammy wordlessly hands to phone to Barley.

It turns out, Barley has been "raising flies" for his website project on the lifecycle of the fly. -------------------------------------------

We kill fleas and flies!!\par

Tommy stands proudly, wearing his hazardous waste uniform.\par \par TOMMY:\par They say women like a man in uniform.\par \par BARLEY:\par It depends on the uniform, dad.\par \par TOMMY:\par I hate bugs.... every kind, even the so-called, \strike beneficial/\strike0 good ones. \par \par TOMMY:\par I am angry because that bug is alive and your mother had to die.\par

TOMMY: Trust me... women LOVE a man in uniform...

BARLEY: But I don't want to kill anything...

TOMMY: you don't have to kill anything... just point and spray!

BARLEY: But don't I have to be trained or licensed or...

TOMMY: you don't have to to be anything... just point and spray!

TOMMY: I'm short a guy on crew, and besides, I can pay you under the table... that is, after I deduct your food and housing from your paycheck

BARLEY: But Dad, I'm just a kid! You're supposed to take care of ME! TOMMY: Get used to it Bub... it's a cold world out there. There's no free rides in life. (thinking to himself: "and it's always nice to get some extra cash/lunch money..."

BARLEY: Uh, Dad...
TOMMY: Don't ask and I won't have to refuse...
BARLEY: Okay, I was just going to ask if you wanted me to take the trash out.


BARLEY VS TOMMY
TOMMY: I don't want to have a 40 year old living in my basement
BARLEY: You don't have a basement


customer wants Bug-Ex to kill the flies in her house. Barley shows up, tells her to put some food on the table, the flies land on it and Barley covers them with a lid and takes them outside.\par \par Tommy is enraged, Barley is costing him business. Then Barley tells him "I'll let them loose to infest someone else and I'll leave a flier on their door.\par Tommy smiles.\par \par

Their motto is "Kill Them All" and a big red circle/slash over the picture of a big scary bug. The website Barley came up with had cute cartoon bugs, and info about them.\par \par

TAMMY:
What did you say?!


LITTLER:
(meekly)
i am i am


TAMMY:
That's more like it.


LEAZA:
Hey! What are you
doing to the dish
soap?!

LITTLER:
!-- (meekly)
--> That's my rainbow

LEAZA:
(shuddering
in disgust)
This isn't rainbow
colored... this is a
yucky color!