"Snail's Pace Productions Pleasant Facade Estates The Bizzy Buddies

SCENE 1
EXT. CAR - AFTERNOON


The Tuckus Family is going on a Sunday drive to visit Ma Tuckus.


Tommy Tuckus and his wife Tammy are in the car with their four assorted kids (his, hers and theirs) ranging in ages 6 to 16.


It's supposed to be a fun day...












It's hot and stuffy outside the car...


...but even hotter and stuffier INSIDE the car!






















Fifteen year-old Barley fiddles with the electric window.























Immediately his little sister "Littler" has to copy him ...

























... which greatly annoys Tommy.























Tommy pushes a button on the dashboard and the side door electric windows start to go up ...














































... much to the chagrin of the kids...



























... and much to the annoyance of his wife!















































TAMMY:
So much drama ...

























TAMMY:
... and we haven't even
left the garage yet!






















Chuckling maniacally, Tommy drives the car out of the garage ...






















... and straight into ...



























... the mailbox!
























TOMMY:
(screaming)
Aaaack!!! What idiot
put that mailbox
there?!





















TAMMY:
(yelling)
YOU did when we
bought the house
three years ago!





















TOMMY:
Eh! I'll fix it later.




















SCENE 2
EXT. HOUSE - AFTERNOON


Barely out into the driveway and teenaged Leaza is already complaining.


LEAZA:
Why do we have to go? Her house always makes me sneeze!


TAMMY:
Because it's the civil thing to do... respect for your elders.








LEAZA:
Well, she's not MY
grandmother!












TAMMY:
She's Tommy's mother
and it's very important
we present a united
front as a family
unit.



TOMMY:
(annoyed)
Because if we don't go,
she'll write me out of
the will, that's why!













Restless little Littler unlatches her carseat and pops her head out the sunroof window.




LITTLER:
(shrieking)
I just love going to
Grand Ma's house!!


















TOMMY:
Littler, sit down!




















Littler's two older brothers, Timmy and Barley, pull her down into the car seat.













































Tammy surveys the scenery and the signage in amazement
(and disgust!)


TAMMY:
My, my my...
look at all of those
campaign signs!
















TAMMY:
So how much did all of THAT cost?

























TOMMY:
(smiling smugly)
Oh, I had a little
campaign slush fund
left over.



















TAMMY:
(pouting)
You could've used that money to buy ME something.


TOMMY:
I'm ALWAYS buying you something.
















Tammy lifts her finger to admire a gorgeous jeweled ring and bats her eyelashes at Tommy.


TAMMY:
(giggling)
Like you said ...
"That's what campaign
money is for".

















Tommy and Tammy chuckle conspiratorially at some shared "joke".






















The two brothers are in the backseat, trying (in vain) to pull Littler down from the sunroof.


TAMMY:
(irked)
LITTLER! Get in your
seat now!














Littler's older brother Barley tries appealing to her sensibilities through creative imagery.


BARLEY:
Sit down in your
seat or a big hawk
might grab you.


TOMMY:
Yeah, by your
head!


Littler SCREAMS and plops back down into the car.








They continue driving through the streets of the subdivision, marveling at the plethora of campaign signs.


BARLEY:
(facetiously)
Well, that's quite
an impact on the
environment.















TIMMY:
Uh, dad, don't you
think you have a few
too many signs out
there?





















TOMMY:
There's no such thing
as too many campaign
signs...

... especially when
it's MY campaign!



















TAMMY:
(pouting)
Especially when you
could've bought ME
something with that
money!





















BARLEY:
Aren't all these
signs against the
Pleasant Facade Estates
Home Owner Association
rules?








TOMMY:
As acting president
of the HOA, I get
special privileges.

After all, they get valuable exposure from me.





BARLEY:
(muttering)
Exposure to what...












TOMMY:
You don't think
I put up with that
miserable bunch of
morons out of the
goodness of my
altruistic heart,
do you?

It's give and take...


Tommy pauses, chuckling derisively.


TOMMY:
Mostly take!






























Tommy sees something on the side of the road and screams, slamming on the brakes!

TOMMY:
AAAAaaack!!!!


TAMMY:
(frantic)
What?! WHAT?!?!
















Tommy thrusts the car into reverse and screeches backwards.

























Tommy slams the car backward full-speed into a campaign sign... belonging to the opposing party!











TOMMY:
(screaming)
AAAaccck!!










































Tommy rolls the car over the opponent's sign...




















He rolls the car forward and backward...





















































































And when that's not enough...



























he gets out of the car...



























TOMMY:
(screaming)
AAAAaaackkkk!

TAMMY:
What are you doing?!













crushing and smashing the sign to smithereens!

































LITTLER:
Daddy! Get back in the car!












































Tommy Tuckus smashes the sign to bits.

TOMMY:
(screaming)
AAAAaaaaackkkk!!!!!




























































































































































Tommy stops stomping on the sign and jumps into the car.























Tammy and the kids are in shock.




TIMMY:
Dad... you knocked down the sign on the gate too.

















TOMMY:
That's okay. I'm President of the Pleasant Facade Estates Home Owner's Association. I get those kind of privileges.





















TOMMY:
I have a surprise for everyone!



Littler squeals loudly in delight.

LITTLER:
oooohh!











Tammy groans loudly in dread.


TAMMY:
How can I be any MORE surprised...


Tammy reacts to something she sees.


















TAMMY:
Good God in heaven... what's THAT?!




TOMMY:
THAT's the surprise!



BARLEY:
(incredulous)
THAT?!










T0MMY:
(proudly)
My new campaign billboard!


Timmy reads the sign aloud.


TIMMY:
"I will do anything for you"...???













BARLEY:
Doesn't that sound kind of desperate and groveling?


TAMMY:
That picture is over 15 years old!




LEAZA:
Yeah, you don't have a hairy old face.












TOMMY:
Facial hair puts voters off, so I've been told.


TAMMY:
Ineptitude and corruption puts voters off too... so I've been told.


















TIMMY:
Then why don't you just shave?



TOMMY:
Are you kidding?! I HATE shaving! I refuse to shave for anyone or anything.














TAMMY:
So instead of shaving, you spend a fortune on billboards with a 15-year old picture of you on it.


BARLEY:
(cynically)
With a campaign promise you've already broken.
















TOMMY:
(chuckling)
Yeah, but I do look younger.




















LITTLER:
Yeah, you look ALOT better on that sign Dad!






















They drive past the Leekville Cemetery...


BARLEY:
(pensively)
There's the cemetery.


LITTLER:
Oooh I love all the beautiful trees!
















TIMMY:
I love cemeteries! I love that the cemetery is right next to Grand Ma's house.


TOMMY:
Yeah, it means we won't have to drag her far.


Tammy scowls at Tommy.













TIMMY:
I love going to Grand Ma's house!





TOMMY:
She belittles people.
She's a belittling, conniving, cunning ...



TAMMY:
Okay okaaay...









T0MMY:
Be careful.
She's a belittler





LITTLER:
That's why I love her so much, she wants to be Littler just like ME!





T0MMY:
She's a bad influence...
look how I turned out





TAMMY:
Oh woe is you. I just hope I can go the afternoon without getting cat hair in my mouth!



TOMMY:
You know what they say... where's there's a WILL there's a WAY...



Tammy punches Tommy's arm again and they laugh.








SCENE 3
EXT. MA's HOUSE - AFTERNOON

Tommy Tuckus and his family arrive outside his mother's house.


TOMMY:
Oh no!!


TAMMY:
Now what?!














TOMMY:
(loudly groaning)
My mother! My own mother!!



TAMMY:
What?! What?!
















TOMMY:
What a betrayal!




TAMMY:
What?! What?!




TOMMY:
(disgusted)
My mother the traitor!











Tommy furiously jumps out of the car.




TOMMY:
(screaming)
AAAaaackkk!!!



















Tommy storms angrily over to the sign.


TOMMY:
(screaming)
AAAaaackkk!!!

















Tommy angrily attacks the sign as his family looks on in horror.


Tammy jumps out of the car!





















Tammy wrestles and drags Tommy by the collar.


Tommy continues flailing and screaming angrily.



















Tammy drags Tommy up the path to his mother's house.


TOMMY:
(screaming)
AAAaaackkk!!



TAMMY:
(screaming)
Calm down you idiot!





































The kids scramble out of the car and join their parents on the front porch.
























Littler rings the doorbell at her favorite Grand Ma's house.






















Ma Tuckus opens the door.


MA:
(chirpily)
Oh hi everyone!




















Littler gives her Grand Ma a hug.


LITTLER:
I'm so happy to see you Grand Ma!


MA:
You are my special sweetie!












Everyone (except Tommy) goes inside and then Ma shuts the door.

























TOMMY:
(indignant)
Whaaa...?






















SCENE 4
INT. MA's HOUSE - AFTERNOON

Tommy bangs on the door.

























The door bursts open!























TOMMY:
(angry)
My own mother!


MA:
(sweetly)
Ooops. I didn't see
you out there.


















TAMMY:
He's mad because you have Troy's sign in the yard.


MA:
(annoyed)
Oh for crying out loud! Brothers... and TWINS at that!














TOMMY:
Fraternal! Big
difference. Different
egg.


Speaking of eggs...
I'm starved!
















Tommy strides across the room.


TOMMY:
Where's the food?!
























MA:
Everyone! Tell Pierre how cute he looks! He didn't want to wear his hat today.

















Everyone (except for Tommy) rushes forward to fawn over Pierre.



























MA:
(giddy)
Everyone! Tell Pierre how adorable he looks!













































Tommy heads down the hallway toward the kitchen.


























He stops to admire a photo of himself hanging on the wall...























... when suddenly he is distracted by a photo of his brother Troy!























Enraged, Tommy attacks the photo of his brother...

























... just as Pierre wanders down the hall...






















Tommy's own photo is knocked askew in the attack...



























... which he reverently straightens...

























And as he backs up to admire himself,























...Pierre gets tangled up in Tommy's feet!
























...Just as Ma arrives to find out what the commotion is....















MA:
(screaming)
What are you doing
to Pierre?!











As Tommy stumbles around the hallway...

















MA:
Oh for crying out loud!

























Tommy continues stomping off to the kitchen.

























































































































































































































































SCENE 5
INT. KITCHEN - AFTERNOON


Tommy enters the cat-filled kitchen.


TOMMY:
(screaming)
AAAAaaaack!!!
















MA:
Oh for God's sake
now what?


Tommy gingerly steps through the kitchen.


TOMMY:
This is like navigating
a mine field!















MA:
Watch out! Watch out!!


A chaotic cat scene ensues...


MA:
Trixie! Trixie!! Get down!















MA:
(screaming)
Look out!! You're going to step on Charlie!!


Ma chases after the cats.


MA:
Come here baby, I won't
let the big bad monster
get you!













TOMMY:
What's to eat?
I'm starved!



MA:
Don't eat anything
on the top shelf.
That's all cat food.

















TOMMY:
How much do you spend
on cat food?!



MA:
Oh, about two and a
half Spitcoin a month.















TOMMY:
Spitcoin?


MA:
Yes Spitcoin. I buy
such huge pallets of
cat food every month
that I pay for it in
cryptic currency.


I buy it on the
Deepest Darkest Web.
That's where all the
good deals are.








TOMMY:
(aghast)
You know about the
Deepest Darkest Web??



MA:
Of course I know
about the Deepest
Darkest Web.
















TOMMY:
And you pay for all this cat food with Spitcoin??



MA:
Cryptic Currency, yes. That darling little boy in your neighborhood Cosmo Szabo, he set me up with a cryptic currency wallet. He's very smart, that one.











TOMMY:
So you're telling me the 11-year old kid in my neighborhood set you up with a cryptic currency wallet?

And you're buying PALLETS of cat food on the Deepest Darkest Web?!


MA:
(giddy)
Oh yes, and I'm investing in all kinds of things... Spitcoin, Efeareum, the schlockchain, even NFTS. I have a very diversified portfolio.







TOMMY:
(incredulous)
NFTs?!



MA:
Oh yes... I just invested a FORTUNE in CrypticKitties



TOMMY:
(gulping visibly)
A "FORTUNE" on...
what did you say
they were..?








MA:
CrypticKitties! Don't
you know what "null-
fungible tokens" are?!



TOMMY:
My mother is gambling
away my inheritance
on NFTs!!



MA:
Oh for crying out loud!












MA:
Besides, if you and
your brother can't
learn to get along...























MA:
... I'll leave my
entire estate to
Pierre!




















Tammy enters the kitchen just in time to find Tommy stumbling into the kitty litter box ...


TAMMY:
(stunned)
Whaaa..?

















TOMMY:
Can't you move this
litter box?!




MA:
(mournfully)
Well, that's where
your entire inheritance
will be going...

...into the cat food
dish and the litter
box if you and your
brother can't learn to
get along.








MA:
(clucking sadly)
What a shame... brothers... and TWIN brothers at that!

TOMMY:
Fraternal! Fraternal! Different egg!








































































TOMMY:
I just hate how he
has this need to
"hold court", like
he's the expert on
every subject and
only his opinion
matters.














TOMMY:
If he's not
pontificating then
he's bragging. And
if he's not bragging
then he's pontificating.



MA:
Well what he does
in the bathroom is
none of my business
but I do wish you two
would get along.











MA:
(giddy)
By the way, I'm going on a cruise.


Tommy visibly gulps


TOMMY:
How much money... uh, I mean, how long will you cost...uh, I mean, how long will you be gone?












MA:
As long as it takes to wait for my dreadful cousin Mathilda to leave town.

She'll be in town next week visiting other relatives, and she'll want to see this place and I don't want her here.

















TOMMY:
But she co-owns this house with you. She knows you turned it into a Bed and Breakfast, right?


MA:
She knows it's a Bed and Breakfast, she just doesn't know it's a Bed and Breakfast for CATS!













MA:
As long as I am not here, she's not allowed to enter this property. That's because of all those legal shenanigans she tried pulling on me when your dad declared bankruptcy. So I have to be gone, and thankfully so, when she's in town.















TOMMY:
Don't be gone too long on your cruise.

MA:
(giddy)
Oh how sweet!





MA:
Well I'm GLAD you're going to miss me!











Ma suddenly develops a quiver in her voice and tears in her eyes...

MA:
Sometimes you just act so angry with me.



TOMMY:
("sobbing")
Don't be gone too
long on your trip Ma...








































TAMMY:
(teasing quietly)
How cute. Little
sonny boy will miss
his mama.



Tommy responds through clenched teeth...


TOMMY:
The longer she's gone
on her cruise the more
Tof my inheritance
she'll spend.






SCENE 6
INT. MA'S KITCHEN


Littler walks in just as Leaza unveils a plate of home-made cupcakes.

Littler is giddy with anticipation!


LITTLER:
Well, well, well...
what do we have here?












LEAZA:
Don't get too excited.




LITTLER:
(drooling)
I'll do quality
control!


















LEAZA:
You don't even know
what "quality control"
means!


















LEAZA:
These are MY cupcakes.
I made them. They are
mine.


I decide who gets them
and who doesn't.




Littler opens her mouth wide and starts crying uncontrollably.












Tammy pokes her head in.

TAMMY:
(hissing)
And I am the one who
paid for the cake mix...


and the ingredients,
and the oven to cook
them in...


and the electricity
to run the oven...

so let her have one...
NOW!

























Leaza glares at Littler. LITTLER:
(smug)
I won.

Littler reaches for the cupcakes.

LEAZA:
You GET one!











Littler scrutinizes the tray of cupcakes.









LEAZA:
(glaring)
Just one. If you touch it, that's the one you have to take.

LEAZA:
If you so much as BREATHE on it you have to take that one!

LEAZA:
One just one!













Littler is taking an agonizingly long time to pick a cupcake, much to Leaza's disgust and frustration.

LITTLER:
Hmmm.. should I choose the cherry one...

Leaza is seething in the background.

LITTLER:
Or the sprinkles...



Littler continues her internal debate...

LITTLER:
Should I get the pink one...

Leaza now has steam coming out of her ears.

LITTLER:
or the chocolate...

LEAZA:
Just pick one already!

A fly is buzzing annoyedly in the background.

LITTLER:
I think I'll take... mmmm

LEAZA:
(glaring)
Whatever you touch is the one you take!

Meanwhile the fly is still buzzing annoyedly in the background, circling the cupcake plate. Leaza has a flyswatter in her hand.

LEAZA:
(glaring)
Pick one now or I'm picking for you!



Leaza has the flyswatter in her hand, following the fly with her eyes.

LEAZA:
(giddy)
Stupid fly...

She looks at Littler.

LEAZA:
Hurry up!



Littler grabs a cupcake and holds it aloft as her prize LITTLER:
(giddy)
Ta da!

Suddenly the fly lands on Littler's cupcake.







































































































Leaza's failed death blow leaves bits of cupcake flying all over the place. Littler is screaming. Barley and Timmy race up.

LITTLER:
(sobbing)
Ewwww!

























BARLEY:
There's a better way to deal with flies...
















Barley attempts to entice the fly to fly out the window... to no avail.

BARLEY:
(pleading)
C'mon little guy...




Littler continues crying at the top of her lungs.

LITTLER:
(wailing)
Waaaaaaghhhhhh!!!!!







































TOMMY:
That's not how to get rid of a fly. Let me show you what a "pro" does...

















TOMMY:
(condescendingly)
I will show you how it's done.









Barley, Littler and Timmy look on in horror as their dad chases the fly with the fly swatter.





TOMMY:
(screaming)
KILL! KILL! KILL!!







































































































































TOMMY:
And THAT is how you deal with a fly... disgusting fly.